Holding my breath

I feel like I am holding my breath waiting for something to happen. We saw the Dr. yesterday and he said 'just expect, at any time, that you will start to bleed'. Yeah, that makes me feel like going to the mall or the grocery store. We do have a scheduled date for the C-Section - May 17. Of course it is pending on the previous day's amniocentesis. Not really sure how I feel about that. I know I am freaking out at the concrete date staring me in the face on the calendar. It's obvious that the baby must be born and we know exactly how it's going to happen, it's just that it now seems like it's time to walk the walk. All the talking's done and it's time to face the music. Yeah I'm freaking out! I play out the events of the surgery in my mind several times per day, and it's always scary. I have never had a surgery, general anesthesia, or much pain to speak of in my life. The Big Guy calls me 'warrior woman' from the delivery of Flippity, and of course that hurts but you're up and around immediately following that. I fear the pain. And here's a list of the things that scare me the most:

1. Amniocentesis
2. Urinary catheter
3. Epidural
4. Arterial line
5. Stomach being stapled shut (the after pain)
6. Whatever the lack of a uterus feels like and the internal repairs that must be made

Of course it's best to walk into this situation completely prepared and no suprises, but I would rather have it go down emergently so I don't have to dwell on it for the next 3 weeks (selfish I know).

Enough of my pity party for now. I'll let you know when I feel like celebrating again.