Coming Clean

O.K. All you fellow AP's out there - don't hate me, or think less of me for this post. I have been struggling lately with the situation surrounding Baby G's abandonment. While we were in Ethiopia we found out that she was in a different orphanage for the first 5 mos. of her life before getting to Horizon House. We originally thought that she had been abandoned at ~6mos old. How on earth does a child like her live in an orphanage for that length of time and not be adopted out? I know, I know, we are very lucky to have her and it was all meant to be... la de dah. I would not have it any other way. I have contacted our agency to find out more about this first orphanage that she was at. We asked for all the info when we were in Ethiopia and nobody had anything other than what we had already seen. How is this possible? Don't other orphanages keep records of the children they have in their care? The person at the agency that I have contacted seems to have a lacsidasical attitude about the whole thing. I asked her 2 mos ago if we could, indeed, have the info from her file from the first orphanage that she was at. She'll ask. Whatever. So I try to imagine what her birth mother must have gone through - having to abandon her child (perhaps she passed away during childbirth or shortly after - we'll never know) when she (Baby G) was so young. I cannot imagine this woman. I cannot imagine Baby G as the child of anybody else but us. I know that many AP's find that the information about birth relatives is absolutely priceless. I just don't feel a desire or a connection to that sort of information. People have grieved the loss of birth mothers on mother's day and birthdays. I do not. I look at Baby G and I might as well have given birth to her, I feel as she has no connection whatsoever to any other woman on this planet. Is that wrong? I'm not sure if that is callous or unfeeling. But it is how I feel.