So here's the new info...

2 Weeks ago we met with an OB to discuss the outcome of this placenta percreta. She was very encouraging that I would survive it (my biggest fear). She did say that only the MRI can provide us with the information that we need to know (if indeed the placenta is invading the bladder wall). So we will have another U/S in 2 weeks and probably an MRI to follow. If it is the placenta percreta then I will have a hysterectomy, it's really the only way one can survive a surgery of this magnitude. The baby will be born around week 35, barring any other complications, regardless if it is a percreta or not (due to the placenta previa). I will need a bladder repair, due to the lack of a bladder wall after the hysterectomy. As you can imagine, the recovery will be longer due to the intensity of the surgery. So, if God can move mountains and create human life, then indeed he can provide a bladder wall for me in the next 2 weeks. At least that is what our prayer is for. Stay tuned...

Oh it just keeps getting better and better!

Pardon my sarcasm please... anyone ever heard of placenta accreta? How about it's most dangerous form placenta percreta? That's right folks another star to add to my banner. Of course we won't know for certain at least for another month until an MRI is performed. Basically what it boils down to (that's if I really have this, and they're pretty sure I do) is the placenta invading the bladder wall with blood vessels, so there is no distinguishable border between the two. What does this mean for me? An early planned c-section done under general anesthesia, most likely a hysterectomy, and a bladder repair. See, when the placenta detaches or is removed from the wall that the uterus and bladder now share, massive bleeding can occur. No harm whatsoever to the baby, just born a bit early. All I really wanted to do was get on an airplane and travel to Ethiopia to pick up my baby, I didn't order any of this. So here I am standing out in the middle of nowhere saying to MY GOD, 'dude, what's the point of all this?' I'm sure there's a reason, I may never know what it is. He doesn't usually walk you to the brink of insanity and not have a good reason for it. I do need to trust that this will all work out just as planned. I know it's in His hands. So, if anybody out there is the praying type please say one for me. I need it.

Better News

After talking to the midwife last week, she said that we need not be so concerned with the placenta previa until week 32. She told us it has until then to get out of the way before they're sure it would be a C-section. Bedrest was my biggest fear because I am taking a class right now that is very hard, and I don't want to have to take it over because I can't show up. Of course the main concern is always the baby, and what's best for him, but I just wish I could catch a break in this whole situation.

So we are on week 22, and I feel good (not to mention fat). I am gaining too much weight again, but I don't know how to stop myself. I'm eating much better than I did with Flippity, but still packing it on. Somebody help!

My Baby Girl is Still in Ethiopia

We found out today that we are having a boy which means that our girl is still in Ethiopia. I kind of had a feeling that this might be the case. At any rate, we have some shopping to do. The other thing we found out is that I have placenta previa. Not something I expected at all. The Dr. told us that it is the kind that will not likely move out of the way, so a C-Section is inevitable. We have to go in every 4 weeks to monitor the growth of the baby, and the position of the placenta. At this point he said that the baby looks great and the growth is right on target. I don't feel great about being fillayed (sp?) open or the possible bed rest that often accompanies this kind of problem. Not easy to lie in a bed when you have a 4 year old in 2 different pre-schools and a husband that is gone all of the time due to school and work. Perhaps we're putting the cart before the horse, but I like to be prepared emotionally for the worst case scenario. The placenta previa usually isn't a problem unless bleeding occurs (which is common in the late 2nd trimester.) Stay tuned for the drama to follow (hopefully there's not much.)

Almost Halfway... Again

We just passed the week 18 mark of the pregnancy. Almost halfway. I am hoping that since Flippity was born 3 weeks early at a whopping 8 lb 6 oz this baby will be a bit early too. We will find out the sex of the baby in 2 weeks, which I can hardly wait for. It's hard to go full board in baby mode for so long and then come to a screeching halt, and stare at your creations and unfinished projects while more waiting ensues. According to the message boards for our adoption agency, we would have been very close to a referral right about now. We still can't wait to pursue the adoption in the future. As far as the baby goes, I am just starting to feel some very faint movements, and my belly is not that big yet. The heart rate of the baby is fast, which I have been told, indicates a girl. I'll beleive it when I see it. I still have some bad days of indigestion/nausea, not as many as before but probably once per week. They are much more managable than they were before (although, don't ask my husband about that). So stay tuned to find out if this little one is a GIRL or a boy.

Exasperated, I'll try anything

O.K. folks. Phenergan is my new best friend. I know my last post talks about how much better I was feeling. Well, the crappy nausea is back with a vengence. I can't take it anymore. I feel like a slug, and worst of all I can't drink anything. It still tastes like I chewed up a hand full of aspirin, but with the phenergan at least I don't constantly gag and dry heave over it. This will definitely be the last time I ever get pregnant. It just doesn't agree with me, and selfish as it may sound, I'm not willing to feel like this volutarily ever again. When you fall in love with adoption, you wonder why you ever wasted so much of your life and effort trying to get pregnant. And, very quickly adoption has the upper hand. Other than biological children initially being cost-free, the process of getting the child (feeling crappy, getting fat, pushing human life from your loins) is worse. I guess you have to weigh the emotional stress against the physical stress. I'd trade in some of my physical for emotional right now.

Feeling Better, Getting Fatter

Yay! The morning sickness has nearly subsided completely. I still have a nauseating aversion to the smell of soap, though. That was the same story with Flippity too. It's hard to do laundry, and taking a shower is my nemesis. Also, I can't stand the smell of anybody. Not stinky people, just normal pheremones. YUCK!

I don't know how normal people gain only 25 pounds during a pregnancy. My normal calorie intake (that keeps me at the weight I like) is 1200 cal. per day, even if I am working out all the time. That's nearly impossible when you are pregnant. I know I don't have to sit down to a Pizza Hut deep dish meat lovers pizza daily (I have learned a few things from the previous pregnancy). But in order to keep the body feeling well, I have to eat something every 2-3 hours. That usually consists of toast, a small sandwich, fruit, or whatever sounds good at the time. I lost my baby weight the last time, granted it took a few years, but nonetheless I lost it. This time I hope not to gain 50 pounds, because I've heard that it's harder to lose weight when you are over 30.

I have a midwife appt. on Wed. We heard the baby's heartbeat a few days ago, so I know she's still in there.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my favorite "food" holiday of the whole year. Stuffing, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, you know the usual. Well not this year, sister. Nausea, nausea, nausea. Why, oh, why does it have to hit at dinnertime on Thanksgiving day!? I am so tired of feeling sick. The only time of the whole day that I feel awesome is when I wake up in the morning and am laying on my back in bed. After I get up, it's usually down hill. Sure there are times of the day when I feel alright, but never a whole day goes by that I don't feel rotten at least for a little while.

Well, enough whining. As far as I know the baby is doing fine. She hasn't told me otherwise, so we'll go with that. In 2 weeks it's back to the midwife for another check. I think The Big Guy and I will find out the sex of the baby on this one. I'm not a big fan of knowing before the birth, but we are completely ready for a baby girl. I want to have something ready if it is a boy. I have nothing gender neutral because we'd been preparing for a baby girl. And, no, I don't wan't to just use the stuff I made for my girl "because the baby won't know the difference". The things I made are for MY GIRL. Whether I give birth to her or adopt her, that stuff is for HER. I wouldn't treat a boy any different as far as the special things I buy or make for him, so we'd like to know the sex.

If anyone has any suggestions about nausea, please feel free to comment about them. At this point I am willing to try anything that's legal.

So Close, yet So Far

Well, I haven't posted for quite some time and it's because there have been lots of things going on in my life. The Big Guy and I found out recently that I am pregnant. Almost 11 weeks at this point. This, of course, puts a halt to the adoption plans (not necessarily by my choice, but the agency policy). I've been nauseated almost every day for the past 3 weeks if not all day, at least for several hours.

It's a big change to go from feeling great and knowing that your referral is just around the corner to feeling like crap and knowing that you are not getting a referral at all. There's been lots of tears and sadness to mourne the "loss" of my Ethiopian baby. With that said, I also embrace the plans that God has for us. Obviously He knows what He's doing, and how can anybody argue with the master plan? Sometimes we're led down a road and we stand there saying "what was the point of this?" Well, this is one of those times for me. I know someday we will pursue the Ethiopian adoption, I just don't know when. I'm really not ready to let it go, but I don't have a choice.

So, although, this is now my pregnancy journey I am still leaving the title as is. This is still our journey through adoption because I am not closing the door on it at all. And even though this is a bit of a delay in the process I know it must be for good reason.

Top of the Hill?

Yay! We're at the top of the hill again! Hopefully for the last time. Just 51/2 more months to go until referral. I don't want to make this climb again, or at least don't tell me I'm doing it. Ignorance is bliss (only in this referral situation, of course).

We had a fun weekend in La Crosse, WI. We went to the Oktoberfest parade, which is HUGE. We also went to a pumpkin patch and an apple orchard. I love fall. October is my favorite month. In 2 weeks it's our wedding anniversary: 6 years. In 3 or so weeks its my birthday: 30. Yay 1976!

5 month anniversary

Today marks the day of our 5 month anniversary of waiting. When we started the journey we thought we'd have our referral by now for sure. Good thing we can't see the future, and it's not in our hands anyway! The courts, contradictory to what I'd previously thought, are still not open. Our agency sent out a mass e-mail a couple of days ago stating that the courts really aren't open and probably will not be until later this week. At this point much of their information I'm taking with a grain of salt and not holding fast to it. They have been wrong before and until EVERY agency can collaboratively state that the courts are open I will not believe it. Sometimes I feel like we're being told what we want to hear, not what is factual. I've gotten my hopes up for the last time in this process. I am very leary of quoted timeframes at this point. We have been told to expect a referral by Feb/March. This, too, I am hesitant to believe. The proof is in the puddin' baby! I'm ready to go the distance, whatever it takes for my daughter. If it takes more than 6 months, so be it. I just don't want to be patronized with "best case scenario" timeframes any longer. I don't want another phone call from the agency until it's THE CALL. Don't call me to tell me I'll be waiting longer, I already expect to. Just call me when you have my daugher. If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.

P.S. I'm not really trying to be nasty and I'm not mad at the agency. I'm just putting my game face on.

Keep your eye on the stork

See this stork ^ ? Watch him sprinting to the right. Go Stork Go! Thats how long we "expect" to wait for a referral at this point. Our agency forum had a referral today! Hooray Scott and Lisa : a beautiful baby boy 4 mos old. They waited 7 mos. We are 2 months behind them as far as the "official" wait date is concerned, but there's no way of knowing how many others there are that haven't registered on the forum. It really is a great support network and a great way to find out what month is up for referrals.

Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick!?

Not so sure about that today. We just received info from the adoption agency that our wait will be extended yet again. They expect us to wait another 5-6 months. How and why?? I was told that based on last years numbers, how many infants can be processed in a month, and how many waiters fit our same mold this is the best guess they can give to our family. So now here we go on the uphill climb once again. Just shy of having waited half way. There's got to be a punch line here somewhere, right?

C'Mon Baby

Week 20! That's half of a pregnancy! This adoption thing, however, is WAY harder than being pregnant. The courts re-open this week, so I am told. Things should start moving along again within the next couple of weeks. Prayerfully, we will be close to a referral.

Flippity's first day of pre-school. He had a blast, of course. His birthday is coming up. He has requested a Power Ranger's Dino Thunder birthday theme and cake. Aunt E always makes the birthday cake for him, so she has a challenge on her hands this year. Already the theme has switched from Doodlebops to Wallace and Grommit, and now Power Ranger's. And yes, there are like 5 different Power Ranger sub-categories. It's not just plain old PR anymore baby!

Fast approaching week 19

Soon, a couple of weeks I think, the courts will re-open in Ethiopia. I am so excited I can hardly stand it. I just want so badly for us to have our baby girl home by Christmas. I don't know how likely it will be, but I keep praying for it. I am an emotional wreck right now. I can't even hardly talk about the adoption without becoming choked up. I know we need to have patience, and we do, but I can't help the emotional turmoil during it all.

Flippity starts pre-school a week from Monday. He is so excited, and so am I. He needs the interaction with other kids. Hopefully by the time we bring home our daughter he will be totally ready to share (yeah right!). It makes me sad to look at all the baby pictures of him and think where did the time go? I've been a stay at home mom for the past 4 years and still I'm baffled by how the time slips through my grasp, and before you know it: pre-school. That was never going to happen to me, I would never be the mom who said where did the time go? and they just grow up so fast! Well, here I am saying it and feeling it.

Embarking on Week 17

"I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me

(this song is obviously about Jesus, but when I hear it I can easily imagine these thoughts running through my mind the first time we lay eyes on our daughter).


I can only imagine
what it will be like
when I walk by your side

I can only imagine
what my eyes will see
when your face is before me

Surrounded by your glory
what will my heart feel
will I dance for you Jesus
or in awe of you be still

Will I stand in your presence
or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all

I can only imagine...

(it always brings tears to my eyes)

Knowledge of the unknown

As I was sitting in chuch today and praying for my daughter, I got a premonition that she's been born. I don't know when but I have an overwhelming feeling that she's here! I may be eating these words in a matter of months, but I have prayed for God to allow me to feel her presence when she is born.

The cup is half full

The time is just flying by (only when I look back on it, of course). 15 weeks down and hopefully the journey is halfway accomplished. The courts close tomorrow, I thought it would never come. The beauty of it (if there is any) is that in 2 months we'll be back on the edge of our seats with anticipation. At least we can all take a breather from the stress of "getting in" before the court closure. I am waiting until September to paint the room and put the finishing touches on it. I don't think I can bare to have it sitting empty waiting for our daughter for too long. I don't think we'll put the crib up until the referral comes. I KNOW I can't bare to see an empty crib sitting there day after day.

The remainder of this original post has been deleted due to the misinterpretation of my thoughts. Let's all remember that what we read in cyberspace is completely one dimensional, so it is easy to read text and not know anything about the person or real feelings behind it.

Don't make any plans

Unfortunately we have just found out that the wait times are more likely going to be closer to 8 months for us now than the previously thought 7. It does get frustrating that every month that goes by another is added. It feels like we can't catch up, we think we're getting ahead when in fact we are in the same boat we thought we were a month ago. At what point are we going to be on the other side of waiting? We keep climbing the hill and the top is no where in sight. I really am O.K. with the waiting, because I know it is serving a purpose. I know there is nothing that can be done about it, and I am thrilled that it's all due to more and more people adopting from Ethiopia. It just would be nice to know a more concrete time frame, but I guess that is the nature of the beast. It's all unknown.

Summer Rocks!

My sister and I successfully made it to and from the Bon Jovi concert in Chicago this past weekend. Here's a little slice of heaven for us all to enjoy:













We'd finish out the world tour with him if money and time permitted! I think we all probably feel that way (even a little bit). Bon Jovi ROCKS!!

We saw a good movie this weekend dealing with the HIV situation in Africa, and the very reason why so many children are abandoned from the disease. The movie is called Yesterday, it's very good. Other than that not much to report other than we have hit the 3 month mark for waiting. Yay for us.