Journey Through Adoption

June

2010-06-02T16:31:00.003-05:00

June is the month that will mark the one year anniversary of bringing baby G home. It will mark the anniversary of shoving clothing and supplies into suitcases, and packing and repacking for a trip of a lifetime half way around the world. June will mark the anniversary of when we became a family of 5, a family including a daughter, and the dawn of insanity. In this past year, we have added a child, bought a new house, and I graduated nursing school. Too much in one year, but nothing I would change. We have had CHALLENGES, sad times, happy times, and times when I questioned my mothering skills (and still do). 3 children is crazy - much crazier than 2 - 'nuff said. I cannot get enough of African adoption stories, even though I am living one. I sit crying at my computer reading blogs of people at every stage in the process. I mourn the loss of that process, but do not think I would have the strength to do it again. I am maxxed out at 3. Maybe in another life...

Here's the chaos, love, and children that make my heart happy

2009-12-09T07:56:00.001-06:00

I am thankful for

2009-11-26T08:52:00.002-06:00

Mothers who love their children enough to recognize when they cannot parent them. Children who have the will to survive despite all odds. A country that sees the flaws in its system and allows these children to be raised by others in another country. I am thankful for my boys and my daughter, and all the hard work it took to get them here however they arrived. I am thankful for my hard working husband, who supports me at every turn in the road. I am thankful for 2 year olds crawling into bed with me at night. I am thankful for 7 year olds who sass back, but are so kind hearted to the core. I am thankful for my spunky little girl who challenges me all the time, but apologizes with a smile that can melt your heart. I am thankful.

Coming Clean

2009-08-08T21:12:00.004-05:00

O.K. All you fellow AP's out there - don't hate me, or think less of me for this post. I have been struggling lately with the situation surrounding Baby G's abandonment. While we were in Ethiopia we found out that she was in a different orphanage for the first 5 mos. of her life before getting to Horizon House. We originally thought that she had been abandoned at ~6mos old. How on earth does a child like her live in an orphanage for that length of time and not be adopted out? I know, I know, we are very lucky to have her and it was all meant to be... la de dah. I would not have it any other way. I have contacted our agency to find out more about this first orphanage that she was at. We asked for all the info when we were in Ethiopia and nobody had anything other than what we had already seen. How is this possible? Don't other orphanages keep records of the children they have in their care? The person at the agency that I have contacted seems to have a lacsidasical attitude about the whole thing. I asked her 2 mos ago if we could, indeed, have the info from her file from the first orphanage that she was at. She'll ask. Whatever. So I try to imagine what her birth mother must have gone through - having to abandon her child (perhaps she passed away during childbirth or shortly after - we'll never know) when she (Baby G) was so young. I cannot imagine this woman. I cannot imagine Baby G as the child of anybody else but us. I know that many AP's find that the information about birth relatives is absolutely priceless. I just don't feel a desire or a connection to that sort of information. People have grieved the loss of birth mothers on mother's day and birthdays. I do not. I look at Baby G and I might as well have given birth to her, I feel as she has no connection whatsoever to any other woman on this planet. Is that wrong? I'm not sure if that is callous or unfeeling. But it is how I feel.

one of my favorite connections in the Bible

2009-07-28T07:26:00.001-05:00

A real man, a real boy, walked up the mountain together—the young man bent under the wood for the burnt offering, the father striding behind, carrying the fire and the knife. “But where is the lamb for the sacrifice?” Isaac asked.

“God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son,” replied Abraham.

We have heard the story before. We know how it ends. But what if we didn’t? What if Isaac had been our son, the fulfillment of a promise God had made to us? Could we have traveled for three days to Mount Moriah, the place of sacrifice, dreading the moment and yet walking steadily toward it? Could we have taken the knife in our own hand, willing ourselves to obey the command we did not understand and wished we had not heard? It is hard to read the story without imagining how Abraham must have felt. Was his hand shaking as he held the knife? Was his mind reeling under the burden of the terrible command he was about to obey? It is not hard to imagine his agony.

But have you ever considered it from God’s point of view?

Watching the man and his son, did God feel something tearing at his heart, knowing that what he asked but did not require of Abraham—the sacrifice of his only son—he would one day require of himself?

We're Home

2009-06-17T09:39:00.005-05:00

Ahhhh the joys of life. I sit here and drink my Ethiopian coffee as I write this and listen to Lazy Town. The Big Guy has taken Baby G and Flippity out for the morning so Licks and I can hang out here for a bit.

Our trip was absolutely amazing. I want to go back, and wished I didn't have to leave when we did. I am glad to be home, though, because I missed my boys desperately.

When we left on Sat morning for Ethiopia, I did not want to go. I felt like I was being forced out the door and on to a series of airplanes. I was not ready. Much like the experience of giving birth - totally prepared but just not ready.

When we landed in Addis and got off the plane, I was expecting something big - some sort of feeling or distinct smell or something. Didn't have it. We already had our visas so there was no standing in line, thank God. We looked for Mulat (driver and saint) and he found us. We made our way to his van and piled in. The Big Guy and I were the last of our group to arrive so we got the van all to ourselves. I was totally unprepared for the driving experience of Addis. I had been warned of it before and even seen footage, but until you actually experience it.... We had begging children running up to the van and asking for money. They were saying things like "I love you mommy" and "Barack Obama". We gave them nothing. Mulat must have thought the looks on our faces was comical, because with a smile on his he said something out the window to the children who quit begging.

It was a short ride to the guest house, and I was suprised at the location of it - down a long alley only wide enough for the van to fit. When we arrived at the guest house, Mulat showed us our room right away. I stood frozen in fear in our room for several minutes. My heart was going to pound right out of my chest. After finding the paperwork we needed The Big Guy grabbed the video camera, we hugged each other, and found our way to the living room where several people were finishing dinner. They all asked us who our child was and everyone was sooooo glad that we were there for her. They said she really needs her mommy. That made me feel good. Mulat asked us if we wanted to meet Baby G. Of course! Someone in the group offered to video it for us and we made our way through the dark to a room of babies. I saw her before we entered the room because her crib was right next to the door which was open. She was asleep. There she was, just as peaceful as could be. The nannies insisted on waking her up. All I could do was stare at her and cry. She woke up right away and looked at us dazed. I think the babies are used to being woken up at all hours of the night, so its really no big deal to them. All of the nannies came to watch our meeting. It was so heart warming. Baby G recognized Mulat right away and a huge smile came to her face. She just sort of melted into both of us and it was all over at last.

Over the next few days we had lots of stuff to keep us busy. Monday we went to the US Embassy to apply for a visa for Baby G to leave the country. Tuesday several (like 20) babies were scheduled to get vaccinations. We were lucky enough to go with and witness that. Mulat was fabulous at the clinic with holding the babies who were getting injected and comforting them when they were done. It was not hard to see the love and kindness in people there. Wednesday was shopping which I ended up leaving early from because I did not feel good. Thursday was more shopping and Friday was the coffee ceremony and packing to leave. We got some great stuff while shopping and spent nearly $400. I was glad to do it. I wish I had purchased more. We were really only there for 5 days since we got in late Sunday night and had to leave Friday night. The flight home was much better than the flight there. We originally purchased only 2 seats for the flight home, but after meeting Baby G and realizing how active she is, we knew we needed another seat. Thank God for small miracles because the flight was full on the way home so we were standby for most of the week. Thursday when I called the agent she did have another seat available. Baby G was great on the flight home, I am impressed that we all kept our wits about us since flying like that with lack of sleep can do anyone in.

Our homecoming and welcoming committee was fantastic! Flippity ran up to us as soon as we cleared the escalators. I cannot even describe the joy in my heart to have all of my children together in one place. Licks was a little more apprehensive, as we knew he would be. Being displaced as the youngest has to be hard. We had several people from church who made awesome signs and my parents, and sister were there to greet us as well. What a fantastic feeling to finally be home and have all the waiting and worrying over. I feel like a weight has been lifted from me and I am free....

This is it!

2009-06-05T12:10:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow we board the plane to Ethiopia. It is so very hard to leave children behind. A fellow blogger said that after you say goodbye, just don't look back. Eyes on the prize. All of it still seems surreal that in several hours my feet will be on a different continent. This baby that people keep sending me pictures of is going to be in my arms soon - she's actually real. I suppose its a bit like giving birth, only not as painful. I remember having the same out of control feeling before giving birth to both boys. I remember feeling 'just a little bit longer, I'm not ready yet'. But I am also a person who likes to dive in head first without testing the waters, so I know I'll be O.K. Besides, I'll have the Big Guy with me and he is quite calm in situations where I can't be. This is not like going to Disney World folks!

SUCCESS!

2009-05-27T22:56:00.003-05:00

We have defeated the luggage! You were no match for me - I knew you would fail. The Big Guy got a more accurate scale and a flimsy duffel for my carry-on. Now we are both around 13lb each with very little left to pack. WE DID IT! (I know, you probably think this is crazy, but its the little things that make a difference in the stress level).

Wow!

2009-05-27T13:38:00.003-05:00

10 days until we leave the US. Scary thought. I can't stop and dwell on it for long because it puts panic in my heart. I am leaving my boys, and that's hard to do. I have not been away from Licks really ever. He is 2. I know they'll be fine, but will I? My greatest fear is that Baby G will not like me. I fear her rejection. We have loved her for so long, and we are only mere strangers to her. She loves the nannies and they love her. How must they feel allowing these strange people to come in and swoop up these kids they have raised for so long? It is truly God's work that these amazing women are doing. I still feel like none of this is real. How can this be happening? We have been "doing" this for so long, and it is about to end/begin.

On a lighter note... we have too much weight. There is a 15lb weight limit on Ethiopian Airlines for the carry-on luggage. The suitcase alone weighs 5lb. Did you ever hear the saying "you can't shove 10lbs of crap in a 5lb bag" ? Well, yes you can and more. I think I will be searching for something lighter. I must. I am looking at this as a challenge that I can defeat.

It's Settled!

2009-05-21T21:08:00.003-05:00

We will be leaving to get baby G on June 6 and arriving back in the US on June 13. 1 week earlier than I expected, but I'll take it. The flights are booked. The packing almost done. Waiting on donations of formula, but we'll purchase it if necessary. We are taking 32+ cans of formula in 2 Rubbermaid totes, and 1 Rubbermaid tote filled with diapers and wipes. I am going to throw up now.

It Doesn't Make a Difference...

2009-05-20T13:39:00.003-05:00

If I find out in the next 30 seconds or 3 days when we get to travel to get baby G. But, I'd sure like to know right this second. Seems like we're constantly being asked to wait just a little longer than everyone else for some reason. We know what group # we're in. We know how many people are in our group. We just need a date to leave. I hate things looming over me. If I can do it - I want it done. All of the pieces of the puzzle are complete except this little, yet very monumental, piece of info. Most people at our agency get a travel date the day after they pass court. We are now going on 5 days. AND day 5 is quickly drawing to a close. I know they just need to secure an Embassy date for us and I know what the next possible one is - I just want a confirmation. I want to spend my money on plane tickets. I want to deplete the adoption account. I am so tired of waiting...

Just when you hit another low....

2009-05-15T15:51:00.003-05:00

The rollercoster takes a crank and shoots you right back to the top. Hopefully this ride is over. We have passed court today! Hooray, hooray, horray! Baby G is legally our child, although she has been in our hearts for the last 4 years. We don't know when we will travel yet, but it will likely be in about 4 weeks. Soooo much to do. The Big Guy looks at the stuff I have laid out to pack and he just can't believe we will need all those things. This is the man who could live the movie Castaway and be fine with it. Some of us more civilized human beings actually like to wear clean clothes and deodorant on a regular basis. Oh yeah, here's the little princess...

Hold on a minute!

2009-05-15T11:51:00.003-05:00

I'm sure some have heard the recent news of children found abandoned in Addis who have been matched with a family having their court cases put on hold. Baby G is a baby that was abandoned only not in the city of Addis. We don't know how this will affect us, if at all, but we feel pretty confident that we'll be O.K. I just have a sense of peace in my heart about it. I don't know why, but God is telling me we won't be included in this mess. There are investigations that will have to take place surrounding all of these said cases to make sure that they were truly abandoned children. Of course we want the most ethical circumstances permeating throughout this adoption, and so should everyone else. So, once again if it takes longer to get her - so be it. She is ours and we are hers and God is directing the whole sequence of events.

Time

2009-05-06T08:39:00.003-05:00

Has it really been 2 months since our referral for baby G? I have to admit time has not stood still. In part, because I am in school - a great distractor by the way - and there is so much to do. I feel like we'll be running around like crazy peeps when we finally get travel news. There has been quite the lull at our agency for court dates so hopefully within the next couple weeks somebody will hear something. On a fun side note - we've made the switch to cloth diapers. I have been through 2 in disposables and decided that 2 in diapers at the same time would nearly kill us financially so we did it. I put baby M in them right away (baby M will now be referred to as Licks until further notice). I really, really like them. It is not hard to handle them at all. I am washing them myself. The Big Guy was concerned that since we can't keep up with laundry as is how will we be able to wash diapers? Well, our problem is not washing the clothes it is folding them. Thats what takes the most time (and everybody hates). The cloth diapers do not need to be folded so its easy. Our bathrooms already smell better. I feel like our bathroom smelled like a nursing home even if we emptied and wiped out the garbage can daily.

Speaking of Licks - he will be 2 years old in 2 weeks. I can't even start to wrap my head around having a party for him, although we have a house full of people coming. Where does the time go? Has it really been 4 years since we fell for Ethiopia? I feel like if I stop and blink my eyes 4 more years will fly by:(.

Amazing Photos

2009-03-26T22:13:00.002-05:00

We just received some of the most amazing photos of Baby G. She is so beautiful. I want her now. I hope this wait goes by fast. I think it has been taking around 10 weeks for people to get a court date. Passing on the first try is another story. Often people do not pass right away. For some it takes several attempts. Everything has to line up just so in order for it all to go off without a hitch. Something my God can do. I have seen His hand at every turn in the journey, this will be no different. Some who passed court early this week (at our agency) got notice that they travel next week. Seems like once court is passed (at our agency) people travel within a month AT THE MOST. Hopefully the 10 weeks to court date trend continues or speeds up. I hope things DO speed up for those staring down another court closure. Yuck.

Embarrassing

2009-03-14T21:55:00.006-05:00

It is so embarrassing and discouraging when someone sends you pictures of a child and asks you if it is your child and you cannot say for sure. The picture is plain as day, but I do not recognize my own child! No, I do not have a brain injury (that I know of). All I have is a picture of her from nearly 3 months ago. We all know how much babies change in the first year of their lives. It is making me sick. Please pray for quick travel for us to get this child before she's a sassy teenager.

On a side note, we constantly say that flippity acts like a teenage girl. I got confirmation from my Dr. last week of such. He asked him to climb up on the table and he did his 'teenage girl' exasperated sigh, and the Dr. said "boy, you sound like a teenage girl". VALIDATION! I am living in the house of drama.

FINALLY! Kobernusz party of 5 please...

2009-03-06T07:21:00.002-06:00

We got the call! Yesterday after I put baby M down for a nap I was searching the internet for international pediatricians when I my phone started ringing. It was the 781 area code. I'm sure my voice was shaking when I answered the phone. Here's the conversation:

E: Hi this is E from WH, how are you today
me: I'm fine how are YOU!?
E: Good, I have some good news for you
me: (already in tears) you do?
E: Her name is G and I spent the whole week with her last week. She's beautiful

more information was exchanged, but I won't put it all here.

She's perfect and healthy and gorgeous!

14 months

2009-02-24T07:52:00.003-06:00

Pardon my smugness in my last post. Things at the agency seem to have come to a screeching halt. There have been ZERO referrals in February. I don't think this has ever happened before. WHY does this have to happen when we are on top of the list? I know there's going to be lots more waiting ahead of us, but to make some headway would be nice for once. We have never gotten past waiting before. It would be soooooo nice to surpass the point we did last round. Fingerprints have been re-applied for, homestudy updates in the works, and yes the phone IS working after all.

Next please? Who's next?

2009-02-02T20:15:00.000-06:00

Oh, that would be us.

You have been cordially invited to a pity party...

2009-01-23T08:29:00.001-06:00

Come on and call already! It's not hard, there's just 10 little numbers on the phone to push, anyone can do it. Ring phone ring!

I am not waiting well now. Ever since we were told that we are getting close to a referral, well you know what happens. I didn't want to be this kind of waiter. I want to be occupied, in control, and calm. I wanted the call to catch me completely off guard. I have PLENTY to keep me busy, yet my mind can only focus on getting a referral. For the love of God, there are agencies with waiting babies simply because they don't have enough applicants. Why can't that be our agency? I have been good.

Tomorrow marks the 3 year anniversary of the day we turned our very first application in. I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR 3 LONG YEARS! Don't you think it's about time that WE get the call?

Thanks for coming to my party, I have to go check to see if the phone is working properly now.

Who Knows?

2009-01-09T11:25:00.000-06:00

I think I was doing better with the adoption wait when I thought that we would be getting a referral at the end of 2009 (the wait times have gone from 17+ months to 13-14 months). I don't know why I told myself this, but I did. Right now we are 4 weeks behind the "next person on the waiting list". There is no rhyme or reason for how fast or slow that referral will come. Now I am a basket case thinking that if 2 or 3 baby girls came into orphanage custody it could be us getting a phone call. Of course, the agency will not let you know how many people stand between you and the "next person on the waiting list". At least school starts again on Monday and hopefully it will keep my wandering mind occupied enough to survive these next couple of months. If things go as they have been we would be getting a call by March. Sooner would be fine with me. I am hoping to travel this summer so we can have some quality time together before 3rd semester nursing school starts. All this assuming, of course, that we would be getting a referral soon. I do know that about 1 month ago we were in the top 20. They would not tell us if we were closer to the top or bottom of the list. I think that every agency worker should be hired only after going through the adoption process themselves so that they would know how aggravating the limited information is. I also understand the lengths we take even tiny bits of information to, and why they have to remain consistent with information they are allowed to give. I just want a fricking referral phone call!

In other news, we had a fabulous time at Disney World. I would not recommend going over Christmas time if you want to get on any rides, but all in all it was a great vacation. We did not get any great pictures, but I will post some when we get them uploaded.

It has been...

2008-11-11T13:33:00.000-06:00

Forever since I have posted. We just enjoyed Flippity's 6th birthday. Things are going great. I am almost through the first semester of nursing school. Only 3 more to go...

Disney world next month. I have more pictures to download, but it will have to be another day.

The wait date for the adoption is sloooowly creeping towards us. It seems like things are up in the air in Ethiopia. I can't really say much, but I just hope and pray that everything gets sorted out and the people working in the courts (bless their souls) are able to muddle through the stacks and stacks of court cases awaiting attention. So far there is no news that adoption cases are being heard from our agency. I know that some agencies are moving cases through quickly, but not the case here. I think God has His hand on our child and is holding her until the exact moment He has intended for us. The Big Guy and I went to an adoption seminar a couple weeks ago and all the couples in the room had a different agency. One of them received a referral for an infant within 3 months of turning in paperwork. It is so crazy how the wait times and expedition of cases seems to be so different from agency to agency. I am shooting for a referral sometime between March and May, of course I have nothing to say about it, but one can dream...

Kindergarten!

2008-09-05T18:46:00.000-05:00

The first week of kindergarten is complete. Everything went well. I cried. He did not. Good. School has started for me - Yikes! It is sooooo much work. All of my free time is spent studying. I feel guilty doing this right now. The only time I have with Flippity is waking him in the morning and rushing him out the door. They are both asleep when I get home at night. I know it won't be forever and school is so stimulating. I love the school, I hate the being away yet love it at the same time. I feel like I am finally doing something for myself. I know it will benefit the whole family in the end. The Big Guy has really been picking up the slack and doing a great job at it. Baby M is still a crappy sleeper which has been a challenge for quality sleeping purposes. He is doing well with the sitter. He is having to go there 3 hours per day while I go to school. He screams like someone is ripping the heart out of his very chest when I leave him, but he settles down quickly.

Courts are closed in Ethiopia, like every summer. We are still 91/2 months behind the next person on the waiting list. And the next person on the waiting list may be the next person for months. It is just how it all falls. Not in a rush to get a referral. When it happens, the timing will be right (I hope). I think about my Ethiopian baby every day. Hopefully as we move into the next year, and our agency has to get reaccredited in Ethiopia, everything will work out. Please God it has to.

Numb

2008-08-11T20:50:00.000-05:00

My hand is numb. Not my left hand, but my right. Not sure why or how long it will last. Very frustrating. I woke up last week and it was numb and remains so as of now. 1 week with a numb hand. I am right handed of course. I don't have carpel tunnel and have never had symptoms of such. I had a sore neck for 2 days and then the hand went numb. It is possibly linked to sit-ups, but the chiropractor is in awe that the treatments haven't relieved the symptoms. Nothing is swollen or painful. The numbness is in the thumb, pointer, middle, and half of the ring finger. Somebody help!

What the heck is going on around here?

2008-07-12T05:10:00.000-05:00

Well, Baby M has had his vision checked and could possibly need glasses! I can't imagine he would leave them on his face if this proves to be the case. It seems that just one eye has poor vision and of course they don't want that eye to get lazy. He is on his 5th ear infection for the year so he will be getting tubes sometime soon. Flippity has been in karate for the past year, and has now decided that he doesn't want to do it anymore. We decided not to force him, because I don't want him to hate going. My summer school class (Microbiology) is proving to be a joke. Nothing against young instructors, but this one just turned 25 and is a total pushover. She really wants everyone in the class to get an A, so she's making it so just shy of letting us use our notes on the ridiculously simple exams. I think the next one may include a photo of Elmo for us to identify (just pure speculation). My sister, neighbor, and friend of mine (all separate people) are doing a fitness bootcamp 5 days per week for 4 weeks. It has kicked my butt this past week. It starts at 5:30am, so of course, I don't have to worry about where the boys will go. Isn't that crazy that if mothers of small children want to exercise (or do anything for that matter on our own) we have to get up before the sun or do it in the dead of night. That same rule doesn't seem to apply to dads for some reason... We have a new camera that we are trying out, so all my pictures are stuck on there until I have time to figure out how to upload them.

The Sad Reality of Adoption

2008-06-17T09:37:00.000-05:00

I have been following a blog of a fabulous family for years. I watched them receive their first referral for an amazing baby girl from Ethiopia a couple years ago, and now their second referral for a 2 month old beautiful baby girl last week. The second baby that was referred to them has now passed away. I can't imagine the overwhelming sadness that lives in their house right now. These children are so precious, so innocent, so fragile. A common reason why these birth mothers want so desperately for their child to go to a family that can afford to feed them. Something as simple as food and water. Something we, as Americans, take for granted. The most basic need of the human body is water. When a child gets ill because of dehydration, it seems so simple to fix. Not the case in Ethiopia. Pray for these children and families facing this situation.

All the things I love about my boys...

2008-06-11T13:03:00.000-05:00

Flippity:

He is a tenderhearted child who genuinely cares how others are feeling.
He is generally a good listener and helper.
He can stick with a task and see it through.
He loves me and seeks me as comfort.
I usually don't have to worry about what he is doing.
He has a great sense of humor.
He has an amazing memory.
He is very well behaved (compared to most children).
He is a good friend to others.
He is an interesting child.

Baby M:

He has a fun sense of humor.
He can do it himself and will.
He is very independent.
He is not afraid to try new physical things.
He has a fabulous laugh and smile.
He is always busy.
He is loves his mama.
Others are drawn to him.
He is a perfect child (usually) in the presence of new people.
He knows what he wants and is not afraid to ask for it.

We are learning to take the good with the bad, a lesson that needs constant refreshing, and learning to look past the muck and enjoy what we have. Babies are hard, thats all there is to it. But if you let the 'hard' be dominant, you'll never enjoy the stuff you should.

Angry Baby

2008-06-02T20:54:00.000-05:00

Just what do you do with an angry baby? Anybody? Baby M (disregard his angelic, happy little face) is mad. If anyone takes something from him he throws a tantrum. Turning off the water in the bath, picking him up when he is in the wrong place, taking something from him that he should not have... all these things cause him to beat on me. He will throw things at me (very hard), and pound on me in anger. Once again, this is like being a first time mom. I do not know how to deal with a child like this. It seems like a 1 year old child should not have this much rage. What do I do, and how do I change this behavior in him? Is it even possible? Baby M will even throw food at the table out of spite. He will look me in the eye, after I have told him it is naughty, and throw the food anyway. I am very certain that he understands 'No' and 'Naughty'. He is a smart child and I think this is only the tip of the iceberg as far as us butting heads will go. Somebody HELP!

Happy Birthday Baby M!

2008-05-16T13:50:00.001-05:00

1 year old today...

The Beautiful Eyes of My Boys

2008-05-12T16:13:00.000-05:00

Don't they have the most amazing eye color?

The answer is... teeth

2008-04-22T21:49:00.000-05:00

The question is... what emerges in a baby's mouth starting around 6 months of age? Baby M is pushing 12 months old and only has 2 teeth! What the heck?! Flippity didn't get a single tooth until he was 10 months old, but when he started getting them they all came very quickly. Baby M got 2 teeth at 7 months and here we are. No real evidence that there are more on the way either. We keep blaming his heightened crabbiness on teething, but then again we've been blaming his crabbiness on teething for the past 8 months. I refuse to believe that I have kid with a crabby personality. It just won't work.

On the topic of Flippity, he has been jumping over hurdles in life like a champ. He is 5 years old. He has recently learned how to tie his shoes, and ride a 2 wheeled bike! Tonight during karate he was invited to test for his blue belt. The belt rank is white, yellow, orange, purple, blue, etc. You must demonstrate that you know certain things at each belt level. It took him almost 1 year to reach purple belt from orange. He has only had the purple for 1 month! They said he's the first ever in the 'tot' class to move up to blue belt that quickly. It is because he has a great memory and can recite the complex combinations so well.

Are we there yet?

2008-04-14T09:45:00.000-05:00

I. Am. Tired.

I am ready to do the cry-til-you-fall-asleep thing with baby M. Perhaps he's getting more teeth. Perhaps another ear infection. Whatever it is that disturbs his little soul at all hours of the night, is making me insane. For awhile I thought we were on the right track. We were both getting sleep, albeit in his bed, but we were both sleeping. I am so tired of being kicked in the stomach and punched in the eyes by flailing hands for hours on end. During the day he's like a baby koala. He clings to me all the time. He must be picked up, then he must be put down (repeat). He can't seem to do anything alone. I can't walk to the bathroom by myself or he has a major meltdown. If anyone has had a child like this, when does it change?

Rockin the 'hawk!

2008-03-09T19:39:00.001-05:00

Baby M's hair is a mohawk that stands about 3 inches high. There is no static involved. The mohawk of the baby simply defies gravity. Most people ask us how we get it to stand up like that. Everything is going well here. Not much to report. Baby M is nearly 10 months old.

The Injera Experiment

2008-02-14T09:03:00.000-06:00

For those of you who may not know what injera is welcome to the injera experiment. Injera is a sour tasting flexible flat bread that is used as a utensil to eat food and looks much like a crepe. It's main ingredient is from a grass crop that readily grows in Ethiopia called teff. I have never had injera before, but have wanted to try if for a long time. Since we'll be bringing a child home from Ethiopia (sometime in my 30's) I thought I'd try to make it. There are so many different recipes for injera I came to the conclusion you can just make up you own. I did it the 'traditional' way the first batch and let it ferment for 3 days with the help of some yeast. I wasn't sure if it was ready to cook, but I forged ahead anyway. The result, very sour injera. The second batch, I found a recipe for on someones blog (faux injera). This one didn't use teff flour just wheat and white. The texture was the same as 'authentic' injera but not at all sour. The third batch I made, I used the teff flour again but did not let it ferment at all. I just mixed it up and cooked it. This one tasted different than the regular flour injera, but not sour. The conclusion: I do not like really fermented injera, but the 2nd and 3rd batch were not at all sour. SO... next time I think I will let the mixture ferment only slightly and try it.

Heading in the right direction

2008-02-01T12:39:00.000-06:00

Several good things are happening here. Baby M is starting to sleep at night thanks to the really expensive formula. He has 2 teeth now and can crawl. He is slooooowly starting to become less clingy. Flippity is registered for Kindergarten in the fall and will begin to ride the bus home from his morning class soon. We have been 'waiting' one month for our baby girl. I have been accepted to the nursing program for the fall. Hopefully I will be able to finish the classes before we have to go get her, but if not that's O.K. too. The Big Guy just got his big raise, and now we can afford to live from paycheck to paycheck without robbing Peter to pay Paul. Finally, our taxes are done. Here's some new stuff to look at.

Yes, I look just like my daddy!

Wait Date = 12/31/07

2008-01-10T11:26:00.000-06:00

The agency granted us the wait date of 12/31/07 as long as we got them the new letter of reference ASAP. It was in their hands as of yesterday morning. The expected time frame is 14 - 18 months as of now. Surely it will increase. The longest waiter for an infant girl has been waiting for 15 months now. I think those particular referrals have been taking at least 16 months.

Baby M turns 1 in 4 months. I cannot believe it! He is still not sleeping through the night. The new doc. is having us try a new formula. It's hypoallergenic (Enfamil Nutramigen). Just for a comparison the formula we have been buying (I am not a formula snob) costs us $14 for a 26 oz can. This new stuff costs $27 for a 16 oz can. I know we cannot afford to keep him on the stuff, but we are trying it for a week to see if it makes any difference. Unfortunately, he does seem to be sleeping better (so it must be working). We are pushing the baby food, so he learns to eat solids faster. If he's not so dependent on the formula, maybe he will do better - I don't know. The thought behind this new formula is that he has a sensitivity to the proteins in the milk and soy based formula. The nutramigen is milk based, but something in it prohibits the protein to break apart in the digestive tract causing less of a system irritation. So obviously I should have just breastfed the kid. What was I thinking trying to get my body back to myself - how selfish!

Randomness...

2008-01-05T12:23:00.000-06:00

Baby M has a tooth that has popped through the skin. He is doing well. He's almost ready to crawl, I think we may have to get a corral when this happens. Flippity amazes me everyday. He is a great 5 year old boy who is sensitive to most everyones feelings at all times. I wish all parents could have one child like him. I am exhausted. Just from life in general. I got an A in my A&P class. The second half of it starts Jan 15. I wish I loved to learn the way I do now 10 years ago.

Adoption news: CIS approval as of 12/31. For those who may not know all the fun stuff about the process - in our agency the dossier AND CIS (fingerprint) approval must be done before you can get on the waiting list for a referral. Our dossier was sent Dec.10. The normal time frame for reviewing a dossier is 7-10 days. We got a call saying that the dossier had been approved, and we were just waiting for the fingerprint approval. So we got the CIS form in the mail and I faxed it right over (loving in my mind that we were now on the wait-list as of 12-31). I faxed it yesterday 1-4-08. We got an e-mail later in the day stating that one of our reference letters (written by my sister) was no good. Evidently reference letters must be from a non-family member. Does it state this in the instructions? Oh no. My last dossier included a reference letter from the same person - no problem. So to wrap it up, now our dossier is NOT complete or accepted so we are NOT on the waiting list. I asked a good friend to write a letter, and I know she will do it ASAP. It's just that one day difference on the wait list equals a month for a referral, in most cases. So imagine what an extra week means. I know there is nothing I can do about it. It makes me mad that somebody drops the ball when I have worked so hard and furiously to make sure all bases are covered. Not to mention what these people are being paid to do their job. Do you think they could make an exception in our case since it took them nearly 3 weeks to find the issue in the dossier? Who knows, I have yet to get up the courage to e-mail bring this issue to their attention.

Bye Bye Amby Baby

2007-12-09T10:56:00.000-06:00

The amby baby has been re-sold on e-bay. We recovered most of the money it cost to buy. Pink eye has been the illness of the week around here. You can't just get an antibiotic for it anymore either. You have to wait to see how it plays out. Does your child wake with his eyes glued shut? For 2 days? Do you have to wipe green goo from his eyes every 20 minutes? For 2 days? If you answered yes to ALL these questions then a trip to the doctor may be necessary. It is very unpleasant to have to deal with these symptoms occuring in a baby. We finally got the antibiotic ointment for his eyes friday, and by saturday his eyes were back to normal. As the Dr. put it 'his eyes look really gnarly'. That they did.

Tomorrow I will be sending out the dossier, I think. Not that it's a rush to get it in because the fingerprints must be approved before the dossier really does us any good. We have a fingerprint appointment on Dec. 14. We have to drive about 2 hours to get fingerprinted and it's been snowing like mad around here, so I am hoping that snow doesn't delay the process any further.

The big guy, who just recently finished his master's degree, is working as a nurse practitioner. This is equivalent to a physician assistant. He took a cut in pay going from a staff nurse to a nurse practitioner. Here is what the man is responsible for on a daily basis: doing rounds on patients in the morning to find out if there has been any change since the previous day, ordering tests on patients, prescribing medication for patients, diagnosing what is wrong with the patient, discharging patients with further medical instruction. Does any of this sound familiar? Sound like the job of a doctor perhaps? He gets paid 1/3 of what his colleagues as doctors get paid, and that just happens to be even less than a regular registered nurse. SAD, SAD, SAD. Fortunately, the hospital for which he works does not own the physician group that he works with AND they are going to 'buy' the group. That means that he is able to do some salary negotiating, and hopefully they will see the value in what he does. Don't get me wrong, I think nurses are paid pretty good. It's just that when you pay $30,000 to 'upgrade' your degree, and you are responsible for the same things a physician is you would think that would be worth some extra income.

I am almost finished with my A&PI class that I took an incomplete in last semester, then it's on to A&PII. Thankfully these classes are held at night, so I can attend while the big guy is home. I'll be able to start nursing classes in 1 year. Hopefully, we'll be able to work something out with the school when we get our referral.

Christmas Love:

Soy in, Amby Baby Out

2007-11-25T09:48:00.000-06:00

Of course, the Amby Baby didn't last long. Why on earth would a $250 baby hammock be acceptable to a baby? He would much rather sleep in a $1200 king sized bed. A baby needs room, you know. I've accepted (surrendered) to the fact that my children just can't get enough of us. We're pretty likable people, I think. I just never thought that there would be beings in this world that would want to be glued to us 24 hours a day (5 year old included). We often times wake in the morning with 4 in the bed and the little one said "roll over, I'm crowded." So they all rolled over and the daddy fell out... you get the gist. On the other hand, we have switched the baby to soy formula. Did it make a huge difference? Not really, although, he is sleeping much better at night (I'll take whatever I can get - props to soy).

We will be ready to turn in our dossier next week. Still waiting for a letter from Immigration Services to let us know when our fingerprint date is. On the last round of adoption paperwork, we were O.K.'d to get fingerprinted before our homestudy was completed. Apparently this time the fingerprints will not be O.K.'d until they have the homestudy in their hands, which of course delays the whole process because we can't get our homestudy finalized until our physicals next week. UGH! We are looking at 18-24 months before we get a referral this time around. For some reason, our agency seems to be double the wait of others. But of course, keeping it all in perspective, it will happen at the right time for our family.

Can I rave about a product?

2007-11-07T09:11:00.000-06:00

O.K. the Amby Baby hammock has arrived and is in use. At first baby M didn't like it at all. Mostly because IF I could even get him in it while he was still asleep, he was positioned so uncomfortably that he would wake almost immediately. It has been a slow process to learning the best way to put a sleeping child into a moving target. First, I pull the thing over to my bed and lay the hammock on the bed. Next, I lay the sleeping baby in the hammock and hold his body with my hands until he stops wrestling around. Then, I lift the hammock off the bed (which is attached to the frame) and allow him to rock back and forth for awhile. Seems to be working alright. Last night he slept, without waking, from 8:30 p.m. until 3:00 a.m. Perhaps just a fluke. I hate raving about products because the minute I do it stops working. So let's just say the vote isn't quite in yet but things are looking good. The Big Guy has been sick. Coughing-up-a-lung sick. He also has sleep apnea and needs a C-pap machine to sleep. Being congested and being required to breathe through your nose to use the machine is not compatible. So, he has been sleeping on the couch. I think that is one of the reasons baby M is sleeping so well. Let's just say the Big Guy is like a bull in a china closet.

On another note Flippity turned 5 yesterday. Makes me feel so old. He was in a great mood all day. We always have a huge party for him around his birthday for family. The party is this Sat. so he is very excited about that. We had a "dry run" last night when grandma and grandpa came for dinner and birthday cake. They brought their gifts, and he also opened ours. 5 is such a great age!

What Will We be for halloween?

2007-11-02T16:15:00.000-05:00

The Amazing Spiderman and a puppy (costume compliments of Aunt E).

Still No Relief

2007-10-29T09:47:00.000-05:00

The chiropractor has decided that she cannot help baby M. I can't say that it has made a great difference in his sleep. I feel like I'm getting more used to the fact that he will just be awake most of the night. Does this mean that my body has become a more efficient sleeper? Perhaps my body knows that restful sleep is few and far between so it sleeps great when it can. Anyway, we have one last trick up our sleeves, and if this doesn't work its going back on e-bay. Check out this link for the Amby Baby. If anyone has any experience with this good or bad please feel free to share. We haven't gotten it yet, but it sounds good in theory. Baby M is 5 months old now, he is a great joy to be around and still lots of work. He doesn't have to be held as much anymore, but only when he's well rested or entertained by Flippity will he sit by himself. He hates tummy time and lying on his back. He loves to give wide open mouthed baby kisses. He smiles all the time and is easy to make laugh. He is very interested in everything that is going on. His favorite person on earth, and the one he finds the most amusing is Flippity. He LOVES his bath at night, you'd think he was moving into Disney World by the way he lights up and gets excited.

On the adoption front, we have gotten the dossier instructions from the agency. Our homestudy needs to be updated, but not that much. I have requested my dossier back from the agency because they have all of my original documents some of which I could re-use instead of spending tons more money on new ones. I have yet to hear if this is possible.

Crack this

2007-10-20T14:15:00.000-05:00

I took baby M to a chiropractor the other day. Why you ask? I was/am at wits end with what to do with this child. From one day to the next it's a complete mystery which I love for the most part, but really only on a good nights sleep. Recently I have been seeing every hour on the clock at night with him. He doesn't particularly want to eat, just be held. He is now sleeping in our bed as well. Not my preference, but seemingly the only choice. I can just roll him on his side when he begins to fuss and pat his butt rather than dragging my tired butt out of bed and rocking him endlessly in the chair just to do it again in another hour. So, I'll try anything to help this baby sleep. She adjusted his back in hopes that it would do wonders. Well that night he woke only to eat. A small victory in my opinion. We have discovered that we are parenting "attachment style" with him. I have also learned that this is the way to do it with an adopted child. Baby M is preparing us to parent an adopted child. If anyone denies seeing God's hand in this whole story, I beg to differ. Why did baby M have to come in the midst of our referral? Why couldn't he wait until after the adoption? Why, it was so that we'd know exactly what to do with our daughter from Ethiopia. And by the way, we are getting ready to re-apply to the program. I have asked God to slam the door without question on this adoption if it is not meant to be. So far, full speed ahead.

Could it be?

2007-10-11T13:57:00.000-05:00

My child (baby M) has been diagnosed with acid reflux. I have to say I am a bit skeptical simply because many of the features of a high need baby are also symptoms of acid reflux. Fast forward... he has been on zantac for a week with no improvement at all. Improvement would constitute better sleep with longer stretches. Right now we're lucky if he sleeps for more than 2 hours at night without waking. Translation... one tired and crabby mama. I called the Dr. yesterday to update her on the lack of improvement and she prescribed a stronger med (prevacid). I am not expecting this drug to do miracles either, but am willing to try anything for more sleep. A dear friend of mine offered to take baby M yesterday so I could get some sleep. I let her take Flippity instead. He has been neglected through all of this because baby M is so much w0rk. God bless the child's heart for not getting resentful of his brother. Flippity just goes with the flow, and is satisfied with very little entertaining. We try very hard to do things just for him since he is such a good big brother. Flippity and Daddy are going to visit grandma this weekend by themselves. It's such a long car ride and baby M HATES being in the car. Even to go less than a mile to the grocery store we are blessed with his ear-piercing shrill. Sigh. I don't know how to handle this kid, but I'm learning new things daily.

Diagnosis...

2007-09-26T08:43:00.000-05:00

I have 'diagnosed' or 'labeled' baby M as a 'high-need baby'.

This includes things like: needs to be held all the time and in constant motion, hates being confined (swaddled, carseat), demands (by high pitched screaming) whatever he wants, erratic sleep (not a good napper), and various other 'features'. I was at my wits end the other day with him. I threw my hands up and begged for help. We walked around the block the other morning at 3:00 am in the baby carrier, nonetheless. The whole time I was crying and begging God for help. We thought there was something wrong (medically) with him. He drains my energy daily with his demanding demeanor. Now that I have a label for him and understand that there is nothing wrong with him, I feel much better. I believe that God will give me the strength I need to deal with him. I know I am not spoiling him by carrying him all the time, it's what he needs. It makes it all less frustrating to know that it's just his personality. It doesn't, however, make it easier to be sleep deprived but that's what you get with kids. Stay tuned for more exciting updates.

Risking life and limb....literally

2007-09-16T19:35:00.000-05:00

Well, The Big Guy has returned.... by the grace of God. If anybody is familiar with the Boundary Waters / Canada this time of year, you would know that now it is snowing. Which most of us can figure out puts the temperatures in the high 20's. Interpretation - it's cold. Highlights of a trip like this include

1. Packing as light as you can because everything you bring you must also carry.
2. Driving 10+ hours to get there in the middle of the night.
3. Sitting in an aluminum fishing boat for 4 hours so you can be dumped in your canoe out in the middle of (only you and God know).
4. There is NO communication between you and civilization until your return (keep in mind if you get hurt in the middle of nowhere, you must be able to fend for yourself- completely). I don't know about you but I'm pretty sure if I broke a limb and had to canoe hours upon hours to get help I'd be dead.
5. You must carry a canoe plus 80 pounds of gear on your back while hiking through the woods and climbing over trees and whatnot to find a campsite or the next lake.

So after a week of fun like this, the guys headed back to the pick up point to be towed 4 hours back to the outfitter when a huge wave tipped the canoe and all the gear. Thank God they all were wearing life vests. Long story short they floated in 50 degree water for 90 minutes to get to shore. Hypothermia had set in and thankfully nobody lost consciousness. Somebody happened to be headed back as well and saw this all take place and went to get help. They were eventually rescued, but if you have ever watched Survivorman you might have seen a scene like theirs. Stripped down to their skivvies in 20 degree weather huddled around a cook stove and shaking violently. He's back and it scared the boy a bit. Needless to say, there will be no more camping trips like this. So yay we both survived the week. I'd rather take my chances with two kids.

From the land of sanity

2007-09-12T21:24:00.000-05:00

Curiously enough, both boys have been relatively good this week. We had a couple of days of crabbiness out of Baby M, but not bad. My dad came for a visit during the worst of his days, you would know. He seems to get feisty when company comes, probably because he's over stimulated. Flippity has been his typical 4 year old self. Pushing the limits of everything. He's so independent almost to a fault. We both have similar personalities which is proving to be a bit of a challenge. Maybe it's just because I'm the mom. The first day of school was today for Flippity. Baby M and I had to go chasing all over God's green earth to get The Big Guy's paycheck which was supposed to be direct deposited in our account last Friday. Long story short, the paycheck is MIA and so his hospital had to reluctantly cut another one for me. It may be just me, but I was under the impression that most of us actually NEED our paychecks on payday for things such as, oh I don't know, mortgage and car payments! So here's to a good week of sanity for me! 3 days to go.

Why Oh Why....

2007-08-31T20:38:00.000-05:00

Won't my baby sleep? It's not that the night time sleep is such a problem, it's just that he won't nap. And not only that he won't nap, he also won't be allowed out of anyones arms for more than 30 seconds before screaming his head off. Of course I am the one who is around most of the time, so it is I that is glued to Baby M all. day. long. Some say just let him cry. I don't do crying babies. I've never been able to handle the screaming for long. I will do whatever it takes (appropriately of course) to stop a baby from crying. If you ask my mother and everyone else over the age of 50, I am spoiling him by holding him all the time. My opinion is that you cannot spoil a baby, some just like to be held more than others. Some like to sleep more than others. Some drive you nuts more than others. And the icing on the cake is that in 6 days The Big Guy is leaving for a boundary waters camping extravaganza FOR 10 DAYS! I doubt if sanity is even possible by the end (for me that is). I look forward to the days end when the X-Terra is pulling into the driveway and I can hand off Baby M to an adoring daddy. Now I won't have that for 10 DAYS! For the love, does anyone have any suggestions? Some days it's this cuteness that keeps my sanity.

Baby M and Flippity

2007-08-09T15:09:00.000-05:00

Here's my wall of portraits so far, might be kind of hard to see but the flash put too much of a glare on the glass. Baby M is doing great, we had our first sleep through the night episode the other night. Unfortunately, it was only once, but I have high hopes that this child WILL sleep through the night routinely before he is 2. By the way, the child on the Left is Flippity, and the child on the Right (of course) is baby M.

My Boys

2007-07-10T08:28:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite pictures so far...

Onward Ethiopia

2007-07-09T12:21:00.000-05:00

The decision has been made (as if it was a hard one). We are going to pursue the adoption later this year. Apparently (without notifying us of course) our agency had recently changed it's policy about closing adoption cases during a pregnancy. They thought it didn't seem quite fair to the family. Gee ya think? So we'll get to save ourselves around $3,000 with the updated homestudy and fee that we don't have to re-pay the agency. I think we had initially laid down $5,000 when we found out about Baby M, so this is a good thing.

And for all those who love a sleeping baby...

My heart still aches

2007-06-28T22:03:00.000-05:00

One would think that having a new baby would give you some sort of satisfaction (at least temporarily) in the absence of the adoption. Wrong. Baby M has filled a place in my heart that needed to be filled in the worst way. He has filled a place in my heart that no one else ever could. But he is not a substitution for adopting. My mind has never left that place, and my heart certainly hasn't. We were told to contact our agency when our baby was born so they could close out our adoption file. Close out the file, to me, means closure on the process. Shutting the door, for now, on a dream that will someday (hopefully) come true. So, I e-mailed our contact at the agency and told her that we would like to revisit adopting in the future. She replied with 'we don't have to close your file, we can keep you on hold as long as you are considering adopting in the near future. This will eliminate you having to pay $xxxx.xx. You can start the application process when your baby is 3 months old.'

Jaw dropping. Eyes welling with tears. This is a hard decision. Maybe completely irresponsible, but we spent all of the adoption $ on a new truck for the Big Guy. We never expected, or should I say, were never told that this was an option. In fact, I was told by the same lady that none of the $ that we'd spent on the adoption could be recovered, and we would have to start at square one. The plan, after resolving ourselves to the fact that this wouldn't happen for several years, was to buy the truck (instead of dumping thousands of dollars into the old one), and save the next 2 years worth of tax returns for the adoption. That would put us 2.5 years down the road for adopting. But now with this info placed at our feet, it would mean less cost all around. An updated homestudy instead of a brand new one, updated fingerprints, mostly updated paperwork altogether. Less cost. Holy crap, 2 small children. How does one make a decision like this?

And some baby goodness for you all to enjoy:
Born 5-16-07
One month old
Baby M and Flippity

Home at Last!

2007-05-24T13:28:00.000-05:00

Hallelujia, we are home! Here's the story... The amnio was scheduled for May 16. The day before, the Big Guy and Flippity visited me late at the hospital. I don't know if it was the thought of the test the next day, but as they were leaving I broke down and sobbed in the Big Guys arms for awhile. I just couldn't control the emotional intensity of it all anymore. That night I went to bed scared and sad. I missed my family and just wanted to go home. Every shift at the hospital, the nurses come in and take a blood pressure, and flush the IV line. My nurse came in that night at midnight. She asked me if there was anything new, and I said contractions that have a burning or tearing sensation with them. I didn't think anything of it because they shrugged off all the contractions I had up to that point. She said it was to be expected so far into the pregnancy and it was probably just my round ligament stretching. So, anyway after she left I got up to go to the bathroom and had the much feared gush of blood hemmorage that struck panic into the hearts of all that were working. I called for the nurse and several came running in. I immediately called the Big Guy at home and told him the baby was coming. He rushed to the hospital in record time. Through the whole ordeal baby M was fine and had a good heartrate, so although it was emergent, it wasn't exactly life threatning. I was wheeled down to the OR around 1:30 am. The anesthesiologist allowed the Big Guy to come into the surgery. He is a nurse so he's comfortable around these kinds of siutations. Having him with me kept me from sobbing uncontrollably. I was put out right away, they didn't stick anything into my body until I was out. Thank the Lord #1 for allowing me not to feel all the intrusive procedures. Baby M was born at 1:50 am 7 lb 12 oz. Thank the Lord #2 for a healthy baby. He was perfect, no need for a trip to the NICU. As I was being awakened in the recovery room, the nurse said they didn't have to take your uterus. Thank the Lord #3 for small favors! All in all everything went much better than planned. The first day or so the pain was pretty bad, but with a drug induced haze I got through it fine. I finally got to come home this past Sunday. The baby is doing great, I may post some pictures soon when I have the ambition.

Down and Out

2007-05-08T16:42:00.000-05:00

The inevitable bleeding has now begun. I awoke at 4:00 a.m. on Thursday (5-3) to a small bleeding episode. The Big Guy rushed me to the hospital and here I sit. The bleeding has pretty much subsided, but I am here until baby M is born. The surgery is still scheduled for 5-17 unless another bleeding episode occurs. I may not be able to post much here, but I will let everyone know what happens eventually. I am not bound to the bed, but I cannot leave the floor I am on. So, theres a lot of reading and T.V. watching going on. It isn't really as bad as it may seem, but I can't go outside until I leave the hospital. We had another ultrasound yesterday and baby M is already 6 pounds 9 oz! We can expect he will be another 1/2 pound next week at delivery. So, I'll post details when I can.

Holding my breath

2007-04-27T19:52:00.000-05:00

I feel like I am holding my breath waiting for something to happen. We saw the Dr. yesterday and he said 'just expect, at any time, that you will start to bleed'. Yeah, that makes me feel like going to the mall or the grocery store. We do have a scheduled date for the C-Section - May 17. Of course it is pending on the previous day's amniocentesis. Not really sure how I feel about that. I know I am freaking out at the concrete date staring me in the face on the calendar. It's obvious that the baby must be born and we know exactly how it's going to happen, it's just that it now seems like it's time to walk the walk. All the talking's done and it's time to face the music. Yeah I'm freaking out! I play out the events of the surgery in my mind several times per day, and it's always scary. I have never had a surgery, general anesthesia, or much pain to speak of in my life. The Big Guy calls me 'warrior woman' from the delivery of Flippity, and of course that hurts but you're up and around immediately following that. I fear the pain. And here's a list of the things that scare me the most:

1. Amniocentesis
2. Urinary catheter
3. Epidural
4. Arterial line
5. Stomach being stapled shut (the after pain)
6. Whatever the lack of a uterus feels like and the internal repairs that must be made

Of course it's best to walk into this situation completely prepared and no suprises, but I would rather have it go down emergently so I don't have to dwell on it for the next 3 weeks (selfish I know).

Enough of my pity party for now. I'll let you know when I feel like celebrating again.

Hidden Blessings

2007-04-13T08:46:00.000-05:00

I've come to realize in the past few days that my life is full of blessings. Not that I didn't realize this before, but sometimes we just need to open our eyes in the middle of a storm and stand still. If we can all just shut up for a minute we can hear God speaking to us, and what He says is very comforting. First lets visit the fact that the adoption didn't exactly work out. I was told once by someone that 'God must think you're a pretty good mom to boys, and that's why you're getting another one.' Perhaps I'm not ready, yet, for raising a girl. I may just need a feisty little boy to practice on first! Second, all the problems that have arisen during this pregnancy. The problems themselves are not quite a blessing, but it does make me thankful that I was able to experience the process one last time. The fact that I remain asymptomatic with the placenta previa is a miracle to more than just myself. The Dr. was indeed suprised at this as well - hidden blessing. The sheer size of the baby - a placenta previa baby at that - hidden blessing. I ran into a friend yesterday that gave birth 8 weeks early to her son. He is still in the NICU 3 weeks after birth. He was 3 pounds at birth and can't suck. I am so blessed that this baby is not trying to get out, and he is so big. Third, I have a fantastic family. The big guy is a week from finishing his clinicals for good, then he's done with school. He will be home all week long! Flippity is such a good helper and easy child to deal with - a bonus when hormones are raging.

Sometimes He calms the storm with a whispered 'peace be still'
He can settle any sea, but it doesn't mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm, and other times He calms His child.

-Scott Krippayne

One day at a time

2007-04-11T15:13:00.000-05:00

We had an ultrasound and a visit to the Dr. this week. I am at week 31 yay! The baby is measuring at 33 weeks and is already 4.5 pounds. The Dr., quite frankly, is a bit suprised that I remain asymptomatic with the placenta previa. Statistically, something should go down within the next couple of weeks, according to her. So we decided that if she gets in to do the C-section and sees the placenta not detaching the way it should, she's going ahead with the hysterectomy. I know, some might say 'save the uterus' or 'it's your identity as a woman'. I really am more interested in not bleeding to death or being under general anesthesia forever while the surgeons try to be heroes, ultimately ending in a hysterectomy anyway. The ovaries will remain untouched (hormone production), and really the function of the uterus is to house babies and bleed. It seems logical to me that if I am not going to ever give birth again (no way after all this), and I can get rid of a monthly period at the same time, why not just do it!? I do get to have a pretty vertical scar on my belly though, hopefully not making my belly look like a big butt (but again, lets focus on the big picture... survival). So stay tuned for the updates, any day now....

Happy Good Friday

2007-04-06T20:04:00.000-05:00

How many of you out there remembered it was good Friday today? The day that Jesus was crucified to save us from our sins. A sad, and glorious day all wrapped into one. Happy Good Friday everyone!

No gestational diabetes (this is a good Friday).

Glucose is not my friend

2007-04-02T13:27:00.000-05:00

I took the 3 hour glucose tolerance test today. At least they had the orange flavor versus the disgusting cola. 100 grams of glucose to drink in 5 minutes. I totally expect the test to come back that I have gestational diabetes. How could it not? My luck so far with this pregnancy has been pretty bad. While sitting at the Dr.'s office for 3 hours, I was able to get undisturbed studying done which was great. And another plus is that the lady drawing the blood did a good job, which means that the 4 needle sticks were a success. Usually phlebotomists in clinics are not so good (no offense to anybody). Results of this test should come back in a few days, I'm really in no hurry to find out. I'll post it when I know.

Blog Change

2007-03-28T18:03:00.001-05:00

I just had to update the blog template. Everytime I go in it feels so depressing with the darkness of it. So here's something more uplifting to look at.

MRI Results

2007-03-24T19:53:00.000-05:00

We saw the Dr. on Friday evening. The radiologist who read the MRI said that she doesn't think that the placenta has entered the bladder. However, the placenta has breeched the uterine wall making the outcome of this whole thing still unknown. I am very glad that it doesn't appear to be part of the bladder, making a bladder repair less likely. I am still very nervous because the situation is still far from safe. The surgery still has to be done in a regular OR with a gynecologic oncologist there to do the uterine repair (if it is indeed salvageable). There will still probably be a massive blood loss, and the need for a transfusion. I will still need to have an arterial line during the surgery. She said she will shoot for the C-Section to be done sometime the week of May 14, however she also said that she would be doing the happy dance if I could stay pregnant that long. She thought that, in her experience, we would be most likely doing an emergency C-Section at some point. Still no hospitalized bed rest unless any bleeding starts. And one more thing to add to the pile - the 1 hour glucose tolerance test was abnormal, so in I go to do the 3 hour procedure. Apparently anybody whose blood sugar is above 140 needs to have the 3 hour gtt done. My blood sugar... 142

Will somebody throw me a bone here? Anybody?

Mini update

2007-03-16T10:21:00.000-05:00

So we talked to the Dr. on Tuesday, the MRI is scheduled for March 23 (next week). She said I will have the C-Section the week of May 14 sometime (pending a positive outcome of the amniocentesis). I don't have to do any bedrest unless I start bleeding. I will update next week after I know more.

Ultrasound news

2007-03-12T20:23:00.000-05:00

I had the ultrasound today that would determine whether or not I get an MRI. Well, I'm having an MRI. Not sure when, we need to go talk to the OB tomorrow and schedule it. The placenta looks like it has moved up a bit, just not enough to uncover the cervix. DEFINITE C-Section. I guess I have been prepared for this. The Dr. that read the U/S today said, "for you this should just be a birth. Let us do all the worrying." WHAT!? How can anybody go into this with puppies and flowers hazing their view? She did say that even if the MRI shows no invasion beyond the uterus with blood vessels, the C/S will still be done in a regular OR with all specialists on hand. Basically the situation has alerted them enough to be sceptical of the crazy placenta that when they cut me open they will be prepared for anything.

On a fun note, The Big Guy bought a new Nissan X-Terra today. More room for travelling with 2 kids. Yay!

So here's the new info...

2007-02-27T12:32:00.000-06:00

2 Weeks ago we met with an OB to discuss the outcome of this placenta percreta. She was very encouraging that I would survive it (my biggest fear). She did say that only the MRI can provide us with the information that we need to know (if indeed the placenta is invading the bladder wall). So we will have another U/S in 2 weeks and probably an MRI to follow. If it is the placenta percreta then I will have a hysterectomy, it's really the only way one can survive a surgery of this magnitude. The baby will be born around week 35, barring any other complications, regardless if it is a percreta or not (due to the placenta previa). I will need a bladder repair, due to the lack of a bladder wall after the hysterectomy. As you can imagine, the recovery will be longer due to the intensity of the surgery. So, if God can move mountains and create human life, then indeed he can provide a bladder wall for me in the next 2 weeks. At least that is what our prayer is for. Stay tuned...

Oh it just keeps getting better and better!

2007-02-14T21:02:00.000-06:00

Pardon my sarcasm please... anyone ever heard of placenta accreta? How about it's most dangerous form placenta percreta? That's right folks another star to add to my banner. Of course we won't know for certain at least for another month until an MRI is performed. Basically what it boils down to (that's if I really have this, and they're pretty sure I do) is the placenta invading the bladder wall with blood vessels, so there is no distinguishable border between the two. What does this mean for me? An early planned c-section done under general anesthesia, most likely a hysterectomy, and a bladder repair. See, when the placenta detaches or is removed from the wall that the uterus and bladder now share, massive bleeding can occur. No harm whatsoever to the baby, just born a bit early. All I really wanted to do was get on an airplane and travel to Ethiopia to pick up my baby, I didn't order any of this. So here I am standing out in the middle of nowhere saying to MY GOD, 'dude, what's the point of all this?' I'm sure there's a reason, I may never know what it is. He doesn't usually walk you to the brink of insanity and not have a good reason for it. I do need to trust that this will all work out just as planned. I know it's in His hands. So, if anybody out there is the praying type please say one for me. I need it.

Better News

2007-02-05T09:40:00.000-06:00

After talking to the midwife last week, she said that we need not be so concerned with the placenta previa until week 32. She told us it has until then to get out of the way before they're sure it would be a C-section. Bedrest was my biggest fear because I am taking a class right now that is very hard, and I don't want to have to take it over because I can't show up. Of course the main concern is always the baby, and what's best for him, but I just wish I could catch a break in this whole situation.

So we are on week 22, and I feel good (not to mention fat). I am gaining too much weight again, but I don't know how to stop myself. I'm eating much better than I did with Flippity, but still packing it on. Somebody help!

My Baby Girl is Still in Ethiopia

2007-01-16T17:32:00.000-06:00

We found out today that we are having a boy which means that our girl is still in Ethiopia. I kind of had a feeling that this might be the case. At any rate, we have some shopping to do. The other thing we found out is that I have placenta previa. Not something I expected at all. The Dr. told us that it is the kind that will not likely move out of the way, so a C-Section is inevitable. We have to go in every 4 weeks to monitor the growth of the baby, and the position of the placenta. At this point he said that the baby looks great and the growth is right on target. I don't feel great about being fillayed (sp?) open or the possible bed rest that often accompanies this kind of problem. Not easy to lie in a bed when you have a 4 year old in 2 different pre-schools and a husband that is gone all of the time due to school and work. Perhaps we're putting the cart before the horse, but I like to be prepared emotionally for the worst case scenario. The placenta previa usually isn't a problem unless bleeding occurs (which is common in the late 2nd trimester.) Stay tuned for the drama to follow (hopefully there's not much.)

Almost Halfway... Again

2007-01-05T11:01:00.000-06:00

We just passed the week 18 mark of the pregnancy. Almost halfway. I am hoping that since Flippity was born 3 weeks early at a whopping 8 lb 6 oz this baby will be a bit early too. We will find out the sex of the baby in 2 weeks, which I can hardly wait for. It's hard to go full board in baby mode for so long and then come to a screeching halt, and stare at your creations and unfinished projects while more waiting ensues. According to the message boards for our adoption agency, we would have been very close to a referral right about now. We still can't wait to pursue the adoption in the future. As far as the baby goes, I am just starting to feel some very faint movements, and my belly is not that big yet. The heart rate of the baby is fast, which I have been told, indicates a girl. I'll beleive it when I see it. I still have some bad days of indigestion/nausea, not as many as before but probably once per week. They are much more managable than they were before (although, don't ask my husband about that). So stay tuned to find out if this little one is a GIRL or a boy.

Exasperated, I'll try anything

2006-12-13T10:23:00.000-06:00

O.K. folks. Phenergan is my new best friend. I know my last post talks about how much better I was feeling. Well, the crappy nausea is back with a vengence. I can't take it anymore. I feel like a slug, and worst of all I can't drink anything. It still tastes like I chewed up a hand full of aspirin, but with the phenergan at least I don't constantly gag and dry heave over it. This will definitely be the last time I ever get pregnant. It just doesn't agree with me, and selfish as it may sound, I'm not willing to feel like this volutarily ever again. When you fall in love with adoption, you wonder why you ever wasted so much of your life and effort trying to get pregnant. And, very quickly adoption has the upper hand. Other than biological children initially being cost-free, the process of getting the child (feeling crappy, getting fat, pushing human life from your loins) is worse. I guess you have to weigh the emotional stress against the physical stress. I'd trade in some of my physical for emotional right now.

Feeling Better, Getting Fatter

2006-12-04T08:18:00.000-06:00

Yay! The morning sickness has nearly subsided completely. I still have a nauseating aversion to the smell of soap, though. That was the same story with Flippity too. It's hard to do laundry, and taking a shower is my nemesis. Also, I can't stand the smell of anybody. Not stinky people, just normal pheremones. YUCK!

I don't know how normal people gain only 25 pounds during a pregnancy. My normal calorie intake (that keeps me at the weight I like) is 1200 cal. per day, even if I am working out all the time. That's nearly impossible when you are pregnant. I know I don't have to sit down to a Pizza Hut deep dish meat lovers pizza daily (I have learned a few things from the previous pregnancy). But in order to keep the body feeling well, I have to eat something every 2-3 hours. That usually consists of toast, a small sandwich, fruit, or whatever sounds good at the time. I lost my baby weight the last time, granted it took a few years, but nonetheless I lost it. This time I hope not to gain 50 pounds, because I've heard that it's harder to lose weight when you are over 30.

I have a midwife appt. on Wed. We heard the baby's heartbeat a few days ago, so I know she's still in there.

Thanksgiving

2006-11-25T19:38:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving is my favorite "food" holiday of the whole year. Stuffing, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, you know the usual. Well not this year, sister. Nausea, nausea, nausea. Why, oh, why does it have to hit at dinnertime on Thanksgiving day!? I am so tired of feeling sick. The only time of the whole day that I feel awesome is when I wake up in the morning and am laying on my back in bed. After I get up, it's usually down hill. Sure there are times of the day when I feel alright, but never a whole day goes by that I don't feel rotten at least for a little while.

Well, enough whining. As far as I know the baby is doing fine. She hasn't told me otherwise, so we'll go with that. In 2 weeks it's back to the midwife for another check. I think The Big Guy and I will find out the sex of the baby on this one. I'm not a big fan of knowing before the birth, but we are completely ready for a baby girl. I want to have something ready if it is a boy. I have nothing gender neutral because we'd been preparing for a baby girl. And, no, I don't wan't to just use the stuff I made for my girl "because the baby won't know the difference". The things I made are for MY GIRL. Whether I give birth to her or adopt her, that stuff is for HER. I wouldn't treat a boy any different as far as the special things I buy or make for him, so we'd like to know the sex.

If anyone has any suggestions about nausea, please feel free to comment about them. At this point I am willing to try anything that's legal.

So Close, yet So Far

2006-11-10T09:17:00.000-06:00

Well, I haven't posted for quite some time and it's because there have been lots of things going on in my life. The Big Guy and I found out recently that I am pregnant. Almost 11 weeks at this point. This, of course, puts a halt to the adoption plans (not necessarily by my choice, but the agency policy). I've been nauseated almost every day for the past 3 weeks if not all day, at least for several hours.

It's a big change to go from feeling great and knowing that your referral is just around the corner to feeling like crap and knowing that you are not getting a referral at all. There's been lots of tears and sadness to mourne the "loss" of my Ethiopian baby. With that said, I also embrace the plans that God has for us. Obviously He knows what He's doing, and how can anybody argue with the master plan? Sometimes we're led down a road and we stand there saying "what was the point of this?" Well, this is one of those times for me. I know someday we will pursue the Ethiopian adoption, I just don't know when. I'm really not ready to let it go, but I don't have a choice.

So, although, this is now my pregnancy journey I am still leaving the title as is. This is still our journey through adoption because I am not closing the door on it at all. And even though this is a bit of a delay in the process I know it must be for good reason.

Top of the Hill?

2006-10-02T08:35:00.000-05:00

Yay! We're at the top of the hill again! Hopefully for the last time. Just 51/2 more months to go until referral. I don't want to make this climb again, or at least don't tell me I'm doing it. Ignorance is bliss (only in this referral situation, of course).

We had a fun weekend in La Crosse, WI. We went to the Oktoberfest parade, which is HUGE. We also went to a pumpkin patch and an apple orchard. I love fall. October is my favorite month. In 2 weeks it's our wedding anniversary: 6 years. In 3 or so weeks its my birthday: 30. Yay 1976!

5 month anniversary

2006-09-24T20:18:00.000-05:00

Today marks the day of our 5 month anniversary of waiting. When we started the journey we thought we'd have our referral by now for sure. Good thing we can't see the future, and it's not in our hands anyway! The courts, contradictory to what I'd previously thought, are still not open. Our agency sent out a mass e-mail a couple of days ago stating that the courts really aren't open and probably will not be until later this week. At this point much of their information I'm taking with a grain of salt and not holding fast to it. They have been wrong before and until EVERY agency can collaboratively state that the courts are open I will not believe it. Sometimes I feel like we're being told what we want to hear, not what is factual. I've gotten my hopes up for the last time in this process. I am very leary of quoted timeframes at this point. We have been told to expect a referral by Feb/March. This, too, I am hesitant to believe. The proof is in the puddin' baby! I'm ready to go the distance, whatever it takes for my daughter. If it takes more than 6 months, so be it. I just don't want to be patronized with "best case scenario" timeframes any longer. I don't want another phone call from the agency until it's THE CALL. Don't call me to tell me I'll be waiting longer, I already expect to. Just call me when you have my daugher. If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.

P.S. I'm not really trying to be nasty and I'm not mad at the agency. I'm just putting my game face on.

Keep your eye on the stork

2006-09-18T17:04:00.000-05:00

See this stork ^ ? Watch him sprinting to the right. Go Stork Go! Thats how long we "expect" to wait for a referral at this point. Our agency forum had a referral today! Hooray Scott and Lisa : a beautiful baby boy 4 mos old. They waited 7 mos. We are 2 months behind them as far as the "official" wait date is concerned, but there's no way of knowing how many others there are that haven't registered on the forum. It really is a great support network and a great way to find out what month is up for referrals.

Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick!?

2006-09-12T16:34:00.000-05:00

Not so sure about that today. We just received info from the adoption agency that our wait will be extended yet again. They expect us to wait another 5-6 months. How and why?? I was told that based on last years numbers, how many infants can be processed in a month, and how many waiters fit our same mold this is the best guess they can give to our family. So now here we go on the uphill climb once again. Just shy of having waited half way. There's got to be a punch line here somewhere, right?

C'Mon Baby

2006-09-11T13:37:00.000-05:00

Week 20! That's half of a pregnancy! This adoption thing, however, is WAY harder than being pregnant. The courts re-open this week, so I am told. Things should start moving along again within the next couple of weeks. Prayerfully, we will be close to a referral.

Flippity's first day of pre-school. He had a blast, of course. His birthday is coming up. He has requested a Power Ranger's Dino Thunder birthday theme and cake. Aunt E always makes the birthday cake for him, so she has a challenge on her hands this year. Already the theme has switched from Doodlebops to Wallace and Grommit, and now Power Ranger's. And yes, there are like 5 different Power Ranger sub-categories. It's not just plain old PR anymore baby!

Fast approaching week 19

2006-09-02T13:58:00.000-05:00

Soon, a couple of weeks I think, the courts will re-open in Ethiopia. I am so excited I can hardly stand it. I just want so badly for us to have our baby girl home by Christmas. I don't know how likely it will be, but I keep praying for it. I am an emotional wreck right now. I can't even hardly talk about the adoption without becoming choked up. I know we need to have patience, and we do, but I can't help the emotional turmoil during it all.

Flippity starts pre-school a week from Monday. He is so excited, and so am I. He needs the interaction with other kids. Hopefully by the time we bring home our daughter he will be totally ready to share (yeah right!). It makes me sad to look at all the baby pictures of him and think where did the time go? I've been a stay at home mom for the past 4 years and still I'm baffled by how the time slips through my grasp, and before you know it: pre-school. That was never going to happen to me, I would never be the mom who said where did the time go? and they just grow up so fast! Well, here I am saying it and feeling it.

Embarking on Week 17

2006-08-20T21:48:00.000-05:00

"I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me

(this song is obviously about Jesus, but when I hear it I can easily imagine these thoughts running through my mind the first time we lay eyes on our daughter).

I can only imagine
what it will be like
when I walk by your side

I can only imagine
what my eyes will see
when your face is before me

Surrounded by your glory
what will my heart feel
will I dance for you Jesus
or in awe of you be still

Will I stand in your presence
or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all

I can only imagine...

(it always brings tears to my eyes)

Knowledge of the unknown

2006-08-13T11:53:00.000-05:00

As I was sitting in chuch today and praying for my daughter, I got a premonition that she's been born. I don't know when but I have an overwhelming feeling that she's here! I may be eating these words in a matter of months, but I have prayed for God to allow me to feel her presence when she is born.

The cup is half full

2006-08-07T21:25:00.000-05:00

The time is just flying by (only when I look back on it, of course). 15 weeks down and hopefully the journey is halfway accomplished. The courts close tomorrow, I thought it would never come. The beauty of it (if there is any) is that in 2 months we'll be back on the edge of our seats with anticipation. At least we can all take a breather from the stress of "getting in" before the court closure. I am waiting until September to paint the room and put the finishing touches on it. I don't think I can bare to have it sitting empty waiting for our daughter for too long. I don't think we'll put the crib up until the referral comes. I KNOW I can't bare to see an empty crib sitting there day after day.

The remainder of this original post has been deleted due to the misinterpretation of my thoughts. Let's all remember that what we read in cyberspace is completely one dimensional, so it is easy to read text and not know anything about the person or real feelings behind it.

Don't make any plans

2006-07-28T12:13:00.000-05:00

Unfortunately we have just found out that the wait times are more likely going to be closer to 8 months for us now than the previously thought 7. It does get frustrating that every month that goes by another is added. It feels like we can't catch up, we think we're getting ahead when in fact we are in the same boat we thought we were a month ago. At what point are we going to be on the other side of waiting? We keep climbing the hill and the top is no where in sight. I really am O.K. with the waiting, because I know it is serving a purpose. I know there is nothing that can be done about it, and I am thrilled that it's all due to more and more people adopting from Ethiopia. It just would be nice to know a more concrete time frame, but I guess that is the nature of the beast. It's all unknown.

Summer Rocks!

2006-07-25T17:06:00.000-05:00

My sister and I successfully made it to and from the Bon Jovi concert in Chicago this past weekend. Here's a little slice of heaven for us all to enjoy:

We'd finish out the world tour with him if money and time permitted! I think we all probably feel that way (even a little bit). Bon Jovi ROCKS!!

We saw a good movie this weekend dealing with the HIV situation in Africa, and the very reason why so many children are abandoned from the disease. The movie is called Yesterday, it's very good. Other than that not much to report other than we have hit the 3 month mark for waiting. Yay for us.

12 weeks of waiting

2006-07-18T10:00:00.000-05:00

We had the pleasure of enjoying a family wedding this past weekend. The Big Guy's brother got married. It was very hot, but we all had a good time. Friday, my sister and I are off to a Bon Jovi concert in Chicago. We saw him in January in Minneapolis and we had a blast. We are now wondering if we are considered groupies or not...hmmm? We can only dream.

Week 11 and doing well

2006-07-12T15:36:00.000-05:00

It's a good thing the summer months are filled with activity. It really keeps my mind off the waiting (not the child though). Time seems to be going by quickly.

Plans for the summer:

1. Family wedding
2. Bon Jovi concert!
3. The Big Guy's birthday
4. Wisconsin Dells
5. Lake house vacation
6. Painting the baby room

Before you know it the courts will re-open and we'll be back in the running for a referral. It has been a very good last couple of weeks for referrals through our agency, and I hope it continues up until the court closure. Several people are travelling to pick up their children in a couple of weeks which will make room for new children waiting for families. We are so blessed to be adopting!

Awesome Referral Week!

2006-07-07T08:08:00.000-05:00

Not for us of course, but there were 4 referrals so far this week at our agency! 2 boys and 2 girls, all infants. It feels so good to move up the list 4 slots. There are most definitely more people that are not on the message boards that I read daily that have also gotten referrals, so I can only go by the info posted in cyberspace! Prayers to all those who have received referrals.

Second Trimester

2006-07-03T09:02:00.000-05:00

Just entering week 10 today. I'm assuming (perhaps enthusiastically) that we are now transitioning into the "second trimester" of waiting. I hope this doesn't mean weight gain and mood swings. I don't think I could handle another 50 pound weight gain! That is also the glory of adopting you don't HAVE to gain weight, it's optional. My option: not gonna do it.

We had a fabulous weekend which was centered around my grandma Lois turning 80. I hope I am as beautiful as she is when I turn 80. She had a huge party with a great turnout of people. It's a great testimony of your life when you have that many people that still love you so much.

I am keeping my time full of my son, and spending some quality time with him doing fun things. Some of our adventures last week included fishing with wrenches with string attatched (he has an amazing imagination) and driving his "truck" around the block as I was a passenger in his boat. We successfully lauched our boat into the "water" and caught several large fish - strictly catch and release. Hopefully this week's adventures will be just as exciting.

Kids are so darn cute

2006-06-29T20:45:00.000-05:00

As Flippity and I were sitting outside today I looked up in the sky and saw a motorized hanglider flying around. I said, "look Flippity, up in the sky." He got really excited and said, "It's Jesus!" We should have been so lucky! Just thought I'd share.

Epiphany

2006-06-28T22:18:00.000-05:00

Just as I am grumbling about all the waiting for a referral it dawns on me how many Ethiopian orphans must be being adopted. If all these children are being placed in a "better" situation in life, it only makes sense that this generation of children could quite possibly be the ones who change the face of Ethiopia. If they are all brought up in a better lifestyle and have a better education than they could have gotten in their birth country, it should be empowering to them to be able to make a difference for Ethiopia in the future. Are all of us adopting parents ready for that!? What a great and abundant life we have!

Week 9

2006-06-26T19:51:00.000-05:00

I get to cross off another number on my calendar! 9 weeks of waiting. I am nervous for the court closures. For those of you that do not know about that it is a 6 week (or so) period in Ethiopia where the courts shut down, due to the rainy season I am told. I feel like things are coming to a halt. It's very uplifting to see referrals happening, and when that is gone, I think all of us waiting will be on edge.

When we started this process we thought for sure we'd have a baby by the end of the summer, what "they" forgot to tell us was that the courts close down for 6 weeks. I have been told that referrals can still be made, just none of the paperwork can be processed. I have tried to mentally prepare myself for longer and longer wait times. When we first sat in the social worker's office to discuss adoption, she told us that the first Ethiopian adoption that she did took (from decision to adopt to baby home) 3 months! That's what I was sure would be our story, little did I know what was going on behind the scenes: more and more people being added to the waiting list on every adoption agency's list.

I know I didn't drag my heels getting anything done, and most of the time was waiting for paperwork at the mercy of others. But, as it turns out, people that have been waiting since Dec. 2005 are still waiting, so nothing really would have changed if we would had made the decision any sooner.

Ask any adopting parent how the wait is, whether it's 2 months or 2 years, the answer will always be: EXCRUCIATING! So the beginning of this week I am feeling a little on edge about all of it. I wish I had Anne's Emote-o-meter!

An Adoption Poem

2006-06-25T20:13:00.000-05:00

This is my favorite poem that I found online

Once there were two women who never knew each other.
One you do not remember, the other you call mother.
Two different lives shaped to make you one.
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first one gave you life; and the second taught you to live it.
The first one gave you a need for love; the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality. The other gave you a name.
One gave you a talent. The other gave you aim.
One gave you emotions. The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile. The other dried your tears.
One sought for you a home that she could not provide.
The other prayed for a child and her hope was not denied.
And now you ask me, through your tears, the age-old question unanswered through the years-
Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?
Neither, my darling, neither. Just two different kinds of love.

Unknown author

O.K. We're ready

2006-06-22T18:39:00.000-05:00

The Big Guy and I just finished watching an adoption story about a couple adopting a little girl from Ethiopia, through tears of course. How can we possibly be expected to wait 5 more months? Is it humanly possible? 5 months is an eternity (as was 7, 2 months ago). I can't complain (o.k. maybe I can) about the wait because China adoptions are taking 2 years! Domestic adoptions- forget it, you'd be retired by the time you were matched with a family! I have always lived in a predominantly white community and color was obvious to me. I am slowly turning the corner to seeing the person, not the color. I suppose when this transition is complete is when it will be our turn.

Just Keep Busy

2006-06-20T17:24:00.000-05:00

We've just rounded the 8 week waiting mark (hooray!) for our child. One week closer to our baby girl. There has only been a couple of referrals this week for people on my message board, but a couple is better than none. I am trying to keep busy by making things for the baby's room. I feel like I'm flying through these projects, and I better slow down. I hurt my back last week, so that has put a halt to the excercise program. I just ordered wallpaper for the bedroom, so it's slowly getting there. When I stand back and think of all that needs to be done yet, I realize there is so much. Most people who have just received referrals are saying to get it all done before you get a referral, because when it comes there's a whole new frenzie of things to do. I am at an amazing sense of peace this week about the adoption. I know our daughter isn't born yet because I can't feel it (or at least that's what I keep telling myself). So far the weeks of waiting are flying by, and as long as I don't completely obsess over the referral the time is sure to pass quickly. I'm sure in future posts you will notice that my mind is transforming into that of a deranged lunatic. Until then...

The Wait (a letter to my daughter)

2006-06-18T14:55:00.000-05:00

I have been told to enjoy the wait. This is an extremely hard thing to do in the realm of the unknown. The unknown being: When will you be born? When will we meet you? And who will you be? I believe that God knows the answer to all these things and I trust that in His time we will too. I find comfort in knowing that God decides these things for us rather than us choosing for ourselves. So I thank Him everyday for the wait knowing that we will end up with the most perfect baby girl for our family. Do I enjoy the wait? No. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It stretches my faith and my patience in ways I never thought possible. I'm trying to keep my mind busy by journaling my feelings, and making things for you. Right now I long for you, I miss you, and I have an empty void in my heart for you. I love you and I don't even know you. I can't wait to meet you, but I have to. So as we face more of a wait I'll lean on God to pull me through and give me strength until I can meet you.

History of the adoption

2006-06-15T08:36:00.000-05:00

Let me back up and tell our story of how we came to this point in our lives. When we got pregnant with Flippity, we felt that the world was right. The natural progression of a family was taking place and we were delighted. Everyone kept telling us that we shouldn't wait so long to have another one. I wanted the children to be spread apart by 3+ years. So just before Flippity turned 2 we started trying again. When the trying turned into a year, we went to seek help. The conclusion was that the Dr.s didn't know what the problem was and could only label us as infertile because there was no explanation for the situation. We tried fertility meds, and when my heart had been broken for the last time through that process I said ENOUGH!!

I had never really considered adoption at all until we started having these problems. I feel like God has been telling us for awhile that we were to adopt, we just weren't listening (or we had to take these steps to get here). When He was finally screaming in our ears "YOU WILL ADOPT FROM ETHIOPIA" we started listening. It didn't take me long to fall in love with the idea or the children there. We filled out the application for adoption on January 24, 2006. We had our final homestudy on February 15, 2006, and we had our I171-H form back by April 24, 2006.

The progression of the process has been easy, quick, and we have really had no bumps in the road so far. I know I shouldn't be waiting by the phone since we've only been waiting 7 weeks, and we are facing a wait of 7 months, but I can't help but hold my breath every time I answer the phone. I do feel that our child will come into our lives when God is ready to put her here. So until then...

2006-06-13T13:19:00.000-05:00

The Beginnings of the Excruciating Wait

2006-06-13T12:22:00.000-05:00

I keep telling myself I will NOT become one of those neurotic, emotionally unstable, waiting by the phone people waiting for a referral. Too late. I find myself comforted by the belief that the exact child that was meant to be mine will be when the time is right. I am going under the assumption that she is just not born yet. I feel that this assumption just keeps me grounded in the long wait that is facing us. Who knows how long it will be. Recent talk is that it will take at least 7 months by the time we get our referral.